2025-07-28_i really did

i really did that. and it’s over now. time moves on, and there’s new things to do now. but just for a second, let me stop and re-realize: i really did that. my windows are empty.

they’ve been so for a while. i just haven’t noticed like this until now. i’ve been too in the middle of everything. too hectic. moving from one day to another with almost no time for rest and further reflection. i (theoretically) have that time now. if i allow myself to take it. if i manage.

i’m out of practice. i’ve gotten used to this, how it’s been for months now. i think i’ve started taking my life too seriously. no, i don’t think that’s it exactly. i think i’ve been taking what i can do with my life at this moment, at this stage too seriously. i’ve made it too heavy, my relationship with myself. a pattern i recognize from other relationships. things are serious of course. but to actually address them effectively i can’t keep weighing myself down more than necessary. there’s differences between taking things seriously and letting them consume and crush you. yes fascism is on the rise, yes capitalism is still destroying the planet for profit, yes racism and patriarchy are dehumanizing and killing millions. yes, all of this is happening. and it is our responsibility, especially if we have the response-ability, to care. and at this juncture, to care is also to resist.

but to care is also not just to care about resisting in the moment. but to care enough about yourself that you don’t let the pressure of resisting (in thought, feeling and action) crush you under it’s weight. that won’t help in the long run. and stopping fascism will be a long endeavor. you probably won’t live to experience it fully, if it ever does happen. and so you have a long way to go. don’t run so much your legs give out before you’re potentially even halfway down the road. take a break. reflect on what you have done, how far you have come, and how far that might enable you to go. but not without catching your breath first. this is just the beginning. for you. not in general, but for you. take your time.